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I’m Not A Prude, But Here’s Why I Refuse To Use Sex Toys With My Partner

There’s a lot of media and entertainment out there that praises the ingenuity of sex toys and the way these new techniques and technologies have changed sex for the better[1], but I don’t buy into the hype. I’ve had great sex for many years without any outside assistance and I’m not comfortable with the idea of introducing sex toys into my relationship[2].

Sex toys make sex feel like a means to an end. Don’t get me wrong, I want to finish as much as the next girl, but using sex toys to get there feels like cheating. At what point is a couple supposed to introduce the toy into the mix? Do you just use it from the get-go? To me, that feels a bit like surrendering, as if one partner’s had enough and decides, “OK, this is going nowhere. Let’s revert to plan B.”

They distract partners from one another, making the experience less intimate. I don’t want to have to worry about what button to press or whether or not my vibrator is fully charged[3] before sliding beneath the sheets. I don’t want to lose the momentum my partner and I have gained during foreplay to power up my toys. When I’m having sex, I want all of my attention to be on my partner and vice versa. No third parties—not even plastic ones.

I’m a little old-fashioned… and a romantic. Maybe I inherited a bit of my Catholic mother’s view of sex, but I’m a sucker for tradition. You don’t see Allie whipping out a dildo in The Notebook or Rose switching on her vibrator in Titanic. Good sex doesn’t have to come with batteries and what’s good enough for my favorite fictional couples is good enough for me.

I like to keep things natural. In general, I don’t like to stick foreign objects of any type between my legs: plastic tampons, menstrual cups, IUDs, or dildos. I’m pretty sensitive to different materials and I’m not comfortable introducing something into my vagina for the sake of experiment. I’m no hippie, but prefer to keep things “au naturel.”

Sex shouldn’t be commercial (nor expensive!). Sex is an instinctual human behavior that requires nothing but two willing parties and the right mood (OK, and a condom in most cases). I don’t like the idea of contributing to the multi-million dollar industry of sex toys by forking over $100 for a few minutes of pleasure, no matter how intense it may be. I don’t want to feel as if I have to “buy” good sex. With the right partner, any sexual experience should be fulfilling[4].

I’m not super adventurous when it comes to sex (and I’m happy that way!). This may be because of my aversion to pain or my rather vanilla tastes when it comes to getting down and dirty, but I’m just not that kinky. I know what feels good and what doesn’t and I’m not willing to poke around my lady parts to see what might potentially make me feel only slightly more turned on than usual. I’m content with my current sexual repertoire and don’t feel the need to branch out.

I think sex toys are better off used during masturbation. OK, if I were to invest in a sex toy, I wouldn’t want my partner to use it for the reasons stated above. Sex toys aren’t romantic; they’re strictly erotic. If I’m being completely honest, I do have a hard time reaching orgasm, which I’m sure would become easier with the right equipment. That being said, I’d rather spend my money on OMGYes[5] and learn how to get myself off without batteries.

I haven’t heard enough success stories to convince me to jump on board. Part of my aversion to sex toys is due to the fact that I haven’t heard many first-hand experiences of their success—during sex, that is, not during masturbation. Not many of my friends use sex toys with their partners, so I don’t have any proof that toys will improve sex. Maybe that’s part of the problem—that not enough people are willing to talk about sex toys in the bedroom or are hesitant to admit they and their partner need a little extra kick to come.

There are plenty of other ways to spice up sex. There are a lot more intimate and less expensive ways to crank up one’s sex game besides purchasing fancy toys. Food is always a fun touch (a little whipped cream here, some chocolate sauce there…) and one of my friends swears by her and her hubby’s use of “dirty dice” to determine what kind of foreplay they’ll perform. Being creative—and being able to laugh at failed attempts to increase the pleasure—is what keeps relationships hot and heavy.

Julia Skorcz[6] Julia is a recent graduate of the University of Virginia where she majored in English and French language and literature. She's engaged in an on-again-off-again French love affair (with the country itself) and has been crushing on French pop star Jean-Baptiste Maunier for about 8 years. When she's not writing you can find her rereading The Wizard of Oz or trying to run away with the circus.

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